?

Log in

(song) Through the Shattered Looking Glass

I am not your mirror
you won't see yourself in me
I will never be the one you want to see
I am not your mirror
you can't find yourself in me
I will never be what you expect of me

You want to change me
mold me like clay
and make me just like you
to ruin my whole day
you try to twist my soul
and bleed me dry
and then you leave me
too numb too dead to cry

I've had enough
I'm walking out the door
I don't wanna face you
anymore

I am not your mirror
you won't see yourself in me
I will never be the one you want to see
I am not your mirror
you can't find yourself in me
I will never be what you expect of me

you never look inside
you always look to me
I'm breaking the glass
and leaving you to bleed
I'm shattering you
now bleed
bleed
bleed
bleed

I am not your mirror
you won't see yourself in me
I will never be the one you want to see
I am not your mirror
you can't find yourself in me
I will never be what you expect of me

I am not your mirror
you won's see yourself in me
I will never be the one you want to see
I am not your mirror
you can't find yourself in me
I will never be what you expect of me
I guess we're past that new couple phase. Now all that's left is us. Now we're left to deal with each other; our problems, our quirks and kinks, the dysfunctional past we both harbor. *sigh* I'm just glad to be away from all of the dysfunction and chaos from the house. But I keep feeling like the sanity and the safety are all about to come crashing down at any moment. It's a small town.. someone's bound to find out what's going on, where I've been going. Someone always finds out. Someone always has to tear happiness away from me. That's the way it's always been and that's the way it'll always be until I get out of here. I thought I would be so much happier with my current living arrangement. I am. To an extent. I'm so happy to not have to always deal with screaming and fighting and false accusations. But I just wish that I could be accepted in every aspect. But I'm not saying I'm not happy to be in a better place now; I really am. Maybe I'm just wallowing in self-pity. Or I could be over-analyzing the entire situation. I just wish I could find something to be happy about. I mean really truly happy about. No strings attached, just being able to enjoy the moment without having to worry about what's going to happen to ruin it all.
I feel a lot better than I did last week. I feel a lot safer living with someone who isn't going to go out of their way to make sure I suffer. I'm just glad I can wake up not feeling angry and filled with hate anymore. It's like that feeling of the world falling apart around me all the time is starting to melt away. I know it's only been a day, but I'm already starting to feel like things might actually start to work out for me. I have a renewed sense of hope, like Gaia really hasn't been ignoring me this whole time. But at the same time I keep telling myself: "This is too good to be true. Too good a thing to be happening to me. I know this is all going to blow up in my face eventually." But I am really hoping that this does really work out. But I just can't shake the feeling that maybe this is only the calm before the storm... Either that or I'm just not used to being in a good situation.
Damn... I haven't posted since May. I guess I just never got back to it. *sigh* Lately I've had such a defeatist additude. I don't understand why I can't just live a normal life. Why can't I live with normal people and have a normal home? Why do I have to dread going home every day? Why can't I at least have the privilage of being able to trust anyone? I can't even trust my closest friends about anything without having to constantly backtrack to make sure everyone's not talking shit about me. But I guess I do deserve it sometimes. I can be such an idiot. And I don't really meet any of the qualifications of normalcy. I'm a narcisitst, I'm too inside my head, I'm horrible at talking to people, I dress differently. Sometimes I think I really should just give up. There's absolutely no one on the planet who will help me or even pretend to care. ... I just really wish I could stop scaring people away. That's the problem. I keep scaring them away so that I don't get hurt, but no matter what happens I still end up feeling like shit.

Writer's Block: You Ate What?

What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten? Would you eat it again?
I've eaten a sub sammich with chocolate pudding and nacho cheese. I thought it was pretty damn good. Also, I've eaten an apple dipped in nacho cheese. I love cheese.

Personality Test Results


Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion||||||||||||||54%
Stability||||14%
Orderliness||||||||||38%
Accommodation||||||||||||46%
Interdependence||||16%
Intellectual||||||||||||||58%
Mystical||||||||||||||||||||90%
Artistic||||||||||||||||||||90%
Religious||||||||||||||||63%
Hedonism||10%
Materialism||||||||||||50%
Narcissism||||||||||||43%
Adventurousness||||||||||||||||70%
Work ethic||||||||||||||||70%
Humanitarian||||||||||||||||70%
Conflict seeking||||||||||36%
Need to dominate||||||||||||||56%
Romantic||||||||||||||||63%
Avoidant||||||||||||50%
Anti-authority||||||||||||||||63%
Wealth||10%
Dependency||||||||||36%
Change averse||||16%
Cautiousness||||||||||||43%
Individuality||||||||||||||||||||90%
Sexuality||||||||||||||||||||83%
Peter pan complex||||||||||36%
Family drive||10%
Physical Activity||10%
Histrionic||||||||||||||||||||90%
Paranoia||||||||||||||||||||83%
Vanity||||||||||||||56%
Honor||||||||||||50%
Thriftiness||||||||||||||56%

Stability results were very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were moderately low which suggests you are, at times, overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment.

Extraversion results were medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.


trait snapshot:
messy, irritable, depressed, fragile, worrying, emotionally sensitive, does not like to lead, phobic, weird, suspicious, low self control, paranoid, frequently second guesses self, dependent, unproductive, introverted, weak, strange, unassertive, submissive, familiar with the dark side of life, feels invisible, rash, vain, anti-authority, heart over mind, low self concept, disorganized, not good at saving money, avoidant, daydreamer, unadventurous

 
It didn't even say anything nice about me in my snapshot!!
It's the first day of spring in the Northern Hemisphere and the first day of autumn in the Southern Hemisphere. What season do you want it to be where you live?
I love autumn. It's my favorite time of year. besides, the closer it is to autumn, the closer it is to Halloween!!

Did you hear about the ShamWow! guy?

He also did a commercial for a veggie chopper. And at one point he said: "You're gonna love my nuts!" Well, I was watching The Soup and heard that he was arrested for beating up a hooker. She bit on his tongue and wouldn't let go, so he beat the shit out of her. I guess she didn't love his nuts.

Writer's Block: Previously on My Journal

If a friend started reading your journal today, what would you need to fill them in on so they could understand what you're writing about?
Not much. I just started my blog, and I want it to be full of DIY articles for the DIY illiterate. The projects are so easy, all you need to know is how to use a needle and thread.

All you need is:

1.) Enough elastic waistband to fit around your waist
2.) As much fabric as you want; really. The more fabric you use, the boofier the skirt will be. For a floor-length skirt, use about 3-4 yds. of fabric.

To make:
** You can make this skirt as long or as short as you please. Directions are given for a floor-length skirt, but you can altar the measurments very easily.**
1.) Take your fabric and cut it into two equal sections. Lay them on the floor and pin them down so that you have two rectangles of the same size. Sew them up the sides, then fold a 1 in. hem. Pin and sew.
2.) Take the top edge of the skirt and fold a 1 3/4 in. waistband. Pin and sew, but leave 1 in. open on each end of the waistband.
3.) Take your elastic waistband and attach a safety pin to the end. Inch the elastic through the opening, using the safety pin as a guide. Bunch the fabric evenly as you move along. Once you've fed the elastic through, sew the ends together and sew the openings up.
4.) Try your skirt on and give it a twirl. If you did it right, it should be very ploofy.